Well ... I should really be working on my story right now. I have to completely revamp that last page and a half I wrote because when I looked at it, I noticed it was nauseatingly bad; problem is I don't feel creative at the moment so anything I write will be crap.

I wish that I could turn on and off my creativity because it always happens at times when I can't write or do anything about it or don't want to write. Last year during math lessons was when I wrote my best poems. My math notebook had more words then numbers, needless to say the teacher wasn't pleased...

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Lively colors dance across your face
as the screen fades to black
smiling you don't know what to say
but he finds your voice for you
speaking every syllable perfectly
you hand finds his and the circuit is complete
energy courses through your veins
leaving burnt finger tips
a spark ignites
passion

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pretty sure that is one of the cheeseballiest things I've written since I was 16 ...meep

Endless Phonecall

Was on hold for about an hour with a government company ... ugh. I am currently so bored and tired of listening to elevator music that my mind is numb.



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my exact opposite is a sight that makes sore eyss wince
she sits happily gabbing with every person in sight
not stopping when the conversation turns awkward
she smiles at all the passers-by not minding their stares
she doesn't care what others think, honestly
and she has actually finished her story
my exact opposite makes me bloodthirsty

So yeah ...

I am officially bored. Movie's over. They ran out of projects for me at work. I'm starting to lose interest with the internet. I don't feel like reading. I left my notebook with my story in it at home on my bed. DAMNED IT. *slams head on desk*

I don't know what to do to stop boredom. Perhaps write some more poems ... meh ... [just noticed I'm in essence talking to myself ... gawd]

shadows creep slowly up the wall

the brilliant sunset hiding their malice
covering the room where she lies

painting on her smile

waiting to be called upon

to lose herself in the dark maze

she's built to kill the pain

barely alive

barely feeling

barely even breathing

a zombie in a harlot's clothing

feeding of the deadened souls

of those who flock to her in pagan praise

losing their religion faster than their clothes

Poem This Time

I'm at work and they have run out of things for me to do so I'm sitting in my mom's office watching Sleepy Hollow (the one with Johnny Depp as Ichabod). Sleep Hollow is my favorite movie, love squeamish pathologists (^^), and my neighbors sleepy hollow sleeve. But anyway enough rambling ... poems ... I promised a poem.

running through the woods
laughing with childish glee
smiles fade as they spy her
standing broken in the leaves
staring with a waning smile
beckoning them closer
mesmerized they follow her
her hair blows in ethereal wind
leading them carefully hand in hand
giggling with pleasure as they follow
they enter the long forgotten lake
walking slowly to their fate
heads finally sinking
she smiles watching
knowing that she shant be the only one
with a dark and watery grave

there you are ... kinda crappy but a poem none the less

love and kisses

Playing Ketchup

So here's the scoop on the whole kidney thingey-mahoozle: *deep breath*

Last October I started having headaches. When to the eye doctor to see if it was a condition I had had previously; it wasnt. By March-ish, they still weren't going away so I went to the doctor who thought it might be the old condition and put me on meds for it. When he did a check up and did some blood work. My creatanine (sp?) was 2.8 [**normal is 1.5-1.8**]. The doctor thought it might be a reaction to the meds, but the creatanine still didn't go down. After a month of seeing neurologists and such I was refferred to a Nephrologist, fancy speak for a kidney doctor. After doing a kidney biopsy and more tests than I can hope to count he diagnosed me with FSGS [Focal Segmental Glomerulal Sclerosis], a form of kidney disease which has no known cause or cure. Therefore, in the next couple of years I have to get a transplant, which bites because in the next couple of years I'm going to college. Not how I planned to spend college but hey, a new experience that's for sure.

Well ... I think I've purged enought info for now.

Love and Kisses

So Pretty Much ...

Decided to make a journal about my fun experiences with kidney disesase an extension of my poetry attempt, which was well intentioned, but didn't work.