Awesome-ness :D

Ohmygoodness

I haven't posted ... at all this year. That's bad. I 'm again, going to try to do something about that, but it never seems to work. However, I'm going to try to post at least once a week, not that anyone cares. But ummm ... not much new stuff this year. I uh ... am still incollege and am still writing, but more stories than poems now. Perhaps I'll post some of my current story later. Yeah, after I post this I'm going to be typing up my story, which has mostly been written during chemistry lectures. :D

Anywhozle, I should be posting later so.

Cya

rae

Restored

So today is November 5th and my faith in my country has been restored. Obama was elected. YEAH!

I would like to tell everyone who syas they're going to move to Canada ... I'll help you pack!

anatomy ... politics .. relgion ... ohboy

I just finished my anatomy test and got a D+-ish grade. I'm officially pissed off. I hate those stupid freaking put in order questions because if you get one wrong whole DAMN question is wrong. Fuck my life.

In other news, if McCain/Palin win the election in November I am moving to Canada ... at least they have national health care. I doubt McCain and Palin will win, but these stupid women who are voting for her just because she's a woman PISS ME OFF! Do you really want to vote in a woman who will make us look like a 50's housewife disaster?!?! Voting her in is saying to men, "Yeah, you shouldn't trust women with power; just watch what this dingbat will do." I can't believe she even got the VP domination number one, and number two can't believe she accepted. She bitches about all the press her pregnant daughter is getting, well then don't put yourself in the public spotlight you dumbass. URGHHH. I just hate politics. It's all so stupid. And the blatant lies that the McCain/Palin campaign are putting in their ads are sickening. Did I mention I'm ashamed to be an American? Yeah, I said what we're all thinking.

Speaking of conservatives the way religion is being integrated into everything is FUCKING RIDICULOUS!!!! And if I get offered one more pamphlet on abortion I will scream! I'm so sick of people telling me, "Oh you're atheist/agnostic, but you seem so nice." Yeah that's because I AM. Religion has nothing to do with the niceness of people. I know plenty of religious people that are ASSHOLES. And, I don't need to be saved thanks. Also, fossils and rock layers aren't their for the hell of it or because Satan put them there to confuse us you dipshits. They're historical artifacts. And do give me that shit about but carbon dating can be screwed with. Well yeah, so can your brain and it has if you believe that fossils are fake and it's a big scientific conspiracy.

ohboy I should probably stop now before my blood starts to boil fer realll.

and sorry about the rant qualities of this post. I apologize.

so pretty much basically

I'm feeling awful tired these days. I think they need to fix the dose on my anemia meds, but they never listen to me ... apparently I don't know how I fell. Makes sense huh? Anywhozle. I just wish I could fel awake for more than a few hours. I feel great when I wake up and then after about 3 or 4 hours could just as easily go back to sleep. Mehhhh. Well I have to get back to my belief paper.

Peace.

So I've been neglecting you

The reason i'm sitting here not working on homework like i'm supposed to is that i'm incredibly bored with life these days. needs sleep.

Well ... I should really be working on my story right now. I have to completely revamp that last page and a half I wrote because when I looked at it, I noticed it was nauseatingly bad; problem is I don't feel creative at the moment so anything I write will be crap.

I wish that I could turn on and off my creativity because it always happens at times when I can't write or do anything about it or don't want to write. Last year during math lessons was when I wrote my best poems. My math notebook had more words then numbers, needless to say the teacher wasn't pleased...

------

Lively colors dance across your face
as the screen fades to black
smiling you don't know what to say
but he finds your voice for you
speaking every syllable perfectly
you hand finds his and the circuit is complete
energy courses through your veins
leaving burnt finger tips
a spark ignites
passion

----
pretty sure that is one of the cheeseballiest things I've written since I was 16 ...meep

Endless Phonecall

Was on hold for about an hour with a government company ... ugh. I am currently so bored and tired of listening to elevator music that my mind is numb.



-----

my exact opposite is a sight that makes sore eyss wince
she sits happily gabbing with every person in sight
not stopping when the conversation turns awkward
she smiles at all the passers-by not minding their stares
she doesn't care what others think, honestly
and she has actually finished her story
my exact opposite makes me bloodthirsty

So yeah ...

I am officially bored. Movie's over. They ran out of projects for me at work. I'm starting to lose interest with the internet. I don't feel like reading. I left my notebook with my story in it at home on my bed. DAMNED IT. *slams head on desk*

I don't know what to do to stop boredom. Perhaps write some more poems ... meh ... [just noticed I'm in essence talking to myself ... gawd]

shadows creep slowly up the wall

the brilliant sunset hiding their malice
covering the room where she lies

painting on her smile

waiting to be called upon

to lose herself in the dark maze

she's built to kill the pain

barely alive

barely feeling

barely even breathing

a zombie in a harlot's clothing

feeding of the deadened souls

of those who flock to her in pagan praise

losing their religion faster than their clothes

Poem This Time

I'm at work and they have run out of things for me to do so I'm sitting in my mom's office watching Sleepy Hollow (the one with Johnny Depp as Ichabod). Sleep Hollow is my favorite movie, love squeamish pathologists (^^), and my neighbors sleepy hollow sleeve. But anyway enough rambling ... poems ... I promised a poem.

running through the woods
laughing with childish glee
smiles fade as they spy her
standing broken in the leaves
staring with a waning smile
beckoning them closer
mesmerized they follow her
her hair blows in ethereal wind
leading them carefully hand in hand
giggling with pleasure as they follow
they enter the long forgotten lake
walking slowly to their fate
heads finally sinking
she smiles watching
knowing that she shant be the only one
with a dark and watery grave

there you are ... kinda crappy but a poem none the less

love and kisses

Playing Ketchup

So here's the scoop on the whole kidney thingey-mahoozle: *deep breath*

Last October I started having headaches. When to the eye doctor to see if it was a condition I had had previously; it wasnt. By March-ish, they still weren't going away so I went to the doctor who thought it might be the old condition and put me on meds for it. When he did a check up and did some blood work. My creatanine (sp?) was 2.8 [**normal is 1.5-1.8**]. The doctor thought it might be a reaction to the meds, but the creatanine still didn't go down. After a month of seeing neurologists and such I was refferred to a Nephrologist, fancy speak for a kidney doctor. After doing a kidney biopsy and more tests than I can hope to count he diagnosed me with FSGS [Focal Segmental Glomerulal Sclerosis], a form of kidney disease which has no known cause or cure. Therefore, in the next couple of years I have to get a transplant, which bites because in the next couple of years I'm going to college. Not how I planned to spend college but hey, a new experience that's for sure.

Well ... I think I've purged enought info for now.

Love and Kisses

So Pretty Much ...

Decided to make a journal about my fun experiences with kidney disesase an extension of my poetry attempt, which was well intentioned, but didn't work.

salem's sweethearts

being told that you’ve done something wrong

and not being able to defend yourself

they sit there accusing you

acting as if they’re being hurt

your eyes dart through the courtroom

you must be terrified of your fate

when they condemn you to burn at the stake

your mind goes blank and then fills

with the horror of your impending death

you scream as they drag you away from the stand

you kick and try to break free from their hold

but they’re grip is too tight

in your cell you rattle the bars

until your hands feel raw and you fall to the fall

in a restless sleep that will be your last 

you dream of the life that was once yours 

when you wake you’re told to wash quickly and dress

you’ve resigned to your fate, so you blankly comply

they tie the knots as the crowd starts to form

around you as you climb the infamous gallows hill

as you stands on the box they slip the noose

over your neck and pull the knot tight

the crowd starts to yell and jeer

as the man kicks the box from beneath you

you take your last breath

and die knowing

that you did nothing wrong

I've always been indecisive

the world is laid before me
all I have to do is choose
what to do and where to go
but my mind keeps jumping around
I'm not sure what I want
eyes darting from possibility to possibility
a frenzied affair of confusion

I know it's cliche' but whateverrrrr

I watched her slip away
from a brilliant girl
to a mindless wraith
eaten away by society

they said she was too smart
"you'll never get a guy"
so she dumbed it down

they said she dressed to conservative
"you look like such a prude"
so she showed more skin

they said it was cool
"everyone smokes"
so she lit up

they said it was fun
"the buzz is amazing"
so she gulped it down

they said it would only hurt for a second
"just a little prick and you'll be in wonderland"
so she shot up

from a straight A-student
to straight up stupid
in just a few short months

look what you've done

kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
on a bed of daisies and white roses
where they will never find me
surround me in a tomb of glass
so all can see my pain
the broken heart that bleeds forever
staining even the purest white rose

I wish I could be like this foreverrrr

I wish that I could lay in bed forever
the blanket's warmth against my skin
my head gently resting on the pillow
my eyes barely open
as soft glowing light filters through my eyelashes
and I lay in a state of muddled happiness
unaware of all the evils that surround me
all the horrors in the world
because all I can see
all I can think about
is a soft glow that looks like
makes me feel like
everything is
and always will be
good

string me up

my heart gets confused
all tied in knots
not knowing what to think
of my latest predicament
wondering how it will ever
fix the mess I've made of it

sickkk

I really wish that my mind
would leave the door
to my memories of you
shut
but it never does
I try and put a padlock on it
and hide the key
but it always finds it
and brings back memories
that torture my soul
and make me ache
from the inside out
sitting here
all I can do is think about you
and know I'll never see you again

eeep

I wear my heart on my sleeve
affixed with piercing safety pins
but it's paper so it never bleeds
when I cry it gets soaked with tears
with wounds that can't be fixed with scotch tape
I need to escape